Let’s face it. We’ve all been there. The coworker that knows exactly how to get under your skin; that kid in your class growing up who knew your weak spots and pulled the rug out from under your feet at just the right time; the family member who seems bent on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong; and that friend who you thought would be there for you through thick and thin but who left when it mattered most. Disappointments happen to all of us at some point, they just may hit each of us a bit differently. These moments of great hurt often become our greatest teacher. I’m not talking about some single moment where the heavens opened to reveal a profound epiphany that changes the course of the future. I’m talking about the small moments in life that define us. Those moments when, consciously or subconsciously, habits and patterns begin to develop that will help to shape how we respond to life’s hurts and disappointments.
You see, when people hurt you, it’s easy to shut down, shut them out. It’s so easy to say “I forgive them” and yet with our next breath get angry at the mere mention of their name. The difficulty lies in matching actions with words. Time and experience are the teachers of those skills needed for living mindfully, not just reactively. Thankfully, the Word of God has practical guidance for us. So, let’s dig in!
Let’s start with the mind since we know that every action originates from it. In Romans 12:2, the Apostle Paul teaches us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” The New Living Translation says it this way: “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” And yes, you read that right. An old dog CAN learn new tricks! God can help us to change the way that we think and process! I don’t know if you can relate, but somewhere along the line, I developed this awful pattern of assuming the worst of people. It wasn’t until I got married and would express to my husband “they said that because…” or “they only did that because…” that he would ask me, “did they really say that? Or are you assuming that?” He helped me to learn a valuable lesson that I believe is a righteous one: thinking the worst of people only leads to anxiety within my own heart. I brought it to God in prayer and asked Him to help me to change this pattern, just like Romans 12 says, and I began catching myself mid-thought, remembering to think the best of people rather than the worst. Over time, I noticed that I no longer thought that way and, in turn, no longer spoke that way either. Maybe my struggle is familiar to you, or maybe yours is something else entirely? Either way, the mind is a powerful command center where you can either nurture life or choose to cultivate destruction. Thought patterns are formed from an early age. As humans, it’s easy to get stuck in the cyclical rut of these old patterns of thought and behaviors; they’re being dug deeper and deeper with every repetitive train of thought driving over them. Their tracks then setting up, and, left unchallenged, can easily misdirect us into believing that we’re always right; never stopping then, to question ourselves, our own thoughts, or motives. However, when we invite God into the equation, He begins to challenge those thoughts and behaviors, eliciting one of two responses from us: prideful stubbornness or humble change. As His creation, we are free to respond either way! God has blessed us with free will. My prayer is that you join me in choosing the humble response, the outcome is far more rewarding!
While Jesus was among us on earth, He set an example for us. An example that is quite contrary to the pattern of this world—often, one that’s self-serving. The culture of this world holds a “what’s in it for me” attitude; often manifesting in complaining and discontentment, arrogance, and greed. And, while these choices and emotions may “feel right” now, their presence in us will never lead to true fulfillment within us, or without. The Bible teaches just the opposite actually. We’re to “do everything without complaining so that you may become blameless and pure children of God” –Phil 2:14. When we live a life void of complaining (be it about things or people), we live a life of purity—one of a clear conscience. When we avoid complaining, we become blameless, no one can ever blame someone for not complaining.
This leads us to my main point… to walk humbly and love all men as Jesus wants us to. We can go through life placing veneers over certain areas of our lives that prohibit us from doing this, disguising the ugly truths laying just behind them but, these veneers are a cover at best; an illusion that only mask the impure thoughts and motives laying just behind their surface. What we cover-up, however, will eventually be revealed, no veneer lasts forever—the rot behind it then, exposed.
Our thoughts and actions must go through a refining process that only God can accomplish. If we think poorly of people and allow those thoughts to make ruts in our minds, we’ll eventually live a life devoid of any genuine expression of love for another. Instead, we must come to understand this: all people are precious to God. We were all valued at the Cross. “For God so loved the world…” –John 3:16. Being made in the image of God Himself, we’ve been afforded the often unplumbed capacity to love people with the love of Christ; the sort of love that carried Jesus all the way to Calvary’s peak; our sins nailed to that Cross that weighed on His shoulder.
There is a life-changing lesson afforded each of us the moment we come to understand that though we possess this unfathomable capacity to love—loves greatest power is often displayed not in how tightly we hold on to love, rather in how loosely we hold those we’ve come to love. Knowing they were a gift at best, and that nothing or no one will remain with us forever—save God. And so, we must learn to graciously release them when their time in our life is through, holding nothing against them in our hearts. It’s powerful when we can love people fully in the moment, all the while being fully aware that they may not be there tomorrow. Forgiving people from a place of understanding, knowing that perhaps they may have been working through their own struggles when they wronged you. In part, this is remaining in peace with all men—living in freedom. In Matthew 7:3, Jesus addressed the way we should view offenses when He said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” So our answer is simple then: before opening your mouth regarding someone else’s wrongs, let’s first take a deep look inward, searching out the offense that lives in us; we may just be surprised by what we find there. Also, by acknowledging our shortcomings, we’ll grow in compassion for others! Through this process of redirection through prayer, you will see that your perspective begins to change; firstly within yourself, then outwardly, towards others. Jesus said in John 13:35, “… by this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another.” He didn’t say everyone would distinguish His followers by their wisdom, or by the way they pray. People would know us by our LOVE. Do you love well? Do you proceed with caution when you engage with people, knowing how precious they are to our creator? Can we stand before God one day and confidently say that we did our best? I pray your answer is, or becomes, a resounding yes! I pray, beginning with your heart and mind, that your perspective towards others continues to reflect more and more of God’s heart towards all men.
Friend, if you don’t know Jesus, I invite you today to ask Him into your heart and into your life. There is no sin too great that He can’t forgive, no life too lost that He can’t restore, no darkness too dark that He can’t illuminate, and no heart too broken that He can’t heal. Let Him lead you into a life of love for all those around you.
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