“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-23).
For the past few weeks, the overarching theme in my alone time with God has been His reveling that practically everything Jesus said, did, and how He commands us to live is counter-cultural. It often opposes and contradicts what society says is good or right. The gospel of Jesus Christ is not only compelling and transformative –it’s also confrontational. God’s Word confronts almost every societal norm and challenges the upside-down beliefs that spring up from them. Its fluid standards regarding love, success, modesty, femininity, sexuality, and marriage. It should be no surprise then that Lord commands believers’ standards to be different from those of the world. In the Book of Ephesians, we read that the Apostle Paul insisted on this: “I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking” –Ephesians 4:17.
And if anyone struggles to understand what Paul is saying, John makes this same message crystal clear listen: “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world – the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions – is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever” –1 John 2:15-17.
It is becoming more and more evident that sin is celebrated in our society. In contrast, hostility towards God, His people, and the things of God is on the rise. The world calls sin freedom and thus, celebrates it. Is it any wonder that those who follow Jesus Christ in this anti-Christian climate face so much resistance, hostility, and rejection? We live in a time where the majority rule holds sway over ever-changing societal norms of what is deemed right, and what is wrong. Where subjective feelings and opinions all too often superseded God’s Truth.
In my alone time with Jesus, I thought about the cost of both following and submitting to Him. The many ways in which His narrow path is vastly different from the wide-open road of the world. And it was during this reflective time that the Lord dropped the word “submission” in my spirit. And I began to question Him, “aside from submitting out of reverence for You, where else is submission commanded? Oh, yes – marriage!” At that moment, I didn’t understand why the Lord was speaking to me about submission within the bonds of marriage as I’m currently single.
But what eventually became clear to me was this: The place where we exercise biblical, counter-cultural behaviors is in our homes, specifically within our marriages. As a single, woman I’d never thought about submission in light of marriage. Then I visited the scriptures and found this passage in Ephesians 5:21-33 which states: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior. As the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the Church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the Church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Talk about counter-cultural! In today’s climate, just the term “submission” alone invokes negative reactions and imaginings. And yet, we witness people submitting to one another daily. CFO’s submit to CEO’s. A child to its parents (Ephesians 6:1). And as citizens, we each must submit to law enforcement and governmental authorities. Jesus, the Son of God, submitted to God His Father (1 Cor. 15:28). The universe submits to Christ (1 Cor. 15:27; Eph. 1:22), and even demons submitted to the disciples (Luke 10:17).
Each of us must submit to someone or something in some capacity at some time in our lives.
The Lord showed me how it would be useful for me to come into a deeper understanding of biblical submission now, especially since I desire to become a wife someday. Serving my husband will be a form of submission, a way in which I will exercise honor and obedience towards Him. As I read and prayed, God opened my mind, enabling me to understand that the world’s practices and ideas concerning submission in marriage contradict those practiced in a genuine God-glorifying, traditional, biblical marriage. Before I had a relationship with Jesus, culturally speaking, submission meant a man having control over a woman. For me, the word submission was rooted in toxic, controlling, misogynistic, and outdated ideals. However, God and Scripture have taught me otherwise. And while it breaks my heart to imagine anyone in an unhealthy, controlling marriage – please know this: that was never God’s design for marriage.
The Lord intends marriage to be a loving, intimate, intentional, and God-honoring covenant.
And any marriage that genuinely glorifies God will require obedience to His authority. It also requires that a wife be willing to submit to her husband as he lovingly exercises authority over her. (In this, we witness the Bride, the Body of Christ, willingly offering herself to God; Christ, Head over His Body.) The woman’s submission to her husband and her husband’s loving-kindness towards her honors the Lord, and it serves as a model of service one to another. “Male and female he created them…” –Genesis 5:2. Each of the partners having a unique yet complementary role. “And the LORD God said, ‘it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him’ –Genesis 2:18 From the very beginning, the Lord’s design for creation involved order and separation (heaven and earth, light and dark, morning and evening, male and female, etc.)
In an article on the “Focus on The Family” website, author Jeff Johnston sums-up this concept of biblical marriage beautifully:”
It is out of the diversity and distinctive separateness of male and female that we humans are called to not only reflect the image and likeness of God, but we also represent God in the stewardship of His good and wonderful creation (Genesis 1:28-29). Male and female also reflect God as they come together in unity in marriage and are joined as “one flesh” (see Genesis 2:23-24; Matthew 19: 3-6; Mark 10: 6-9; Ephesians 5:28-32). This coming together as one flesh is unique in that the sexual union brings forth new life that will also somehow look like God and bear the imago Dei. As we are “fruitful and multiply and fill the earth,” we spread God’s image around the world (Genesis 1:28).
Friends, biblical submission is not about control nor oppression. Biblical submission within marriage is rooted in God’s beautiful, divine, and unique order. It is the unifying picture of the Lord and His bride –the Church. While the heavens display God’s greatness, God chose humankind to bear His image; we each created in His image and likeness. And within the bonds of the covenant of marriage, we find the biblical model of divine order: love, servanthood, and leadership. God’s marriage order (God 🡪 male 🡪female 🡪 children) does not imply inequality or inferiority rather divine order –Ephesians 5:21-33. In biblical marriage, the Lord Jesus is its center. He alone reigns over each partner, and not one partner ruling over the other. Each then submits to Him, and each other, out of reverence and love for Jesus. “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” –Ephesians 5:21.
Men are called to love their wives just as Christ loved the Church. Jesus gave His life for us, pursued us when we denied Him, loved us when we were unlovable; men are called to love their wives with this same kind of love! “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the Church— for we are members of his body” (Ephesians 5:25 – 28).
I don’t know about you, but that sounds to me like a remarkably high calling to me! Love is at the very core of this unique calling. Husbands are called to cleanse their wives, washing them in the Word, loving their wives as they love their own bodies. We are to love the Lord Jesus Christ with all our hearts, mind, and soul (Matthew 22:37). We are to love our enemies (Matthew 43:48). We are to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:39) – and for a husband, his closest neighbor is his wife. Both a wife and her husband are called to die to their flesh, their “me first” predilections – that doesn’t come naturally. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit at work in both partners. Submission is counter-cultural. Trusting your husband’s lead is counter-cultural. Loving your wife as God loves His Church is sacrificial; it too is counter-cultural—because biblical love in and of itself is, counter-cultural.
While the world may view biblical marriage as a woman yielding or giving up her individual liberties, it is instead embracing and submitting to the divine order God has established for her with the bonds of marriage. The obedient wife does not wait for orders. Instead, she tries to discern her husband’s needs and feelings and responds in love. When she sees her husband is weary, she encourages him to rest; when she sees him agitated, she soothes him; when he is ill, she nurses and comforts him; while he is happy and elated, she shares his joy. Yet such obedience should not be confined to his wife; the husband should be obedient in the same way. When she is weary, he should relieve her of her work; when she is sad, he should cherish her, holding her gently in his arms; when she is filled with good cheer, he should also share her good cheer. – St John Chrysostom, 4th Century AD
Friend, if you are single now, yet desire to be married one day, it’s never too early to learn God’s design for the covenant of marriage. And, if you’re married, re-membering His plan can serve as a refresher. A reminder that we need to die to ourselves daily. To be intentional within the bonds of marriage. And to submit one to another lovingly. As Christians, we have not been called to live as the world does. As Christians, we are called to follow and abide in Christ. To follow His will and ways, even if it makes us look upside down in the eyes of the world.
However, challenging it may be to follow the narrow path while living in this world—your soul will undoubtedly be filled to overflowing with joy and your heart at rest and satisfied when you do. As a former atheist, I can attest to this: the world will not satisfy the deepest longings of your soul–only Jesus Christ alone can do that. I’ve counted the cost and continuously find Jesus to be worthy. However counter-cultural it may be, are you willing to courageously accept Jesus into your life as your Lord and Savior?
How do you react, what do you do, when your miracle, your Word from God—comes to you seemingly flat, elementary and, more importantly—too late? When it offers you—no tah-dah moment of right now jubilation! No sharp intake of astounded breath—rather it offers, brings along with it—a heavy, still, disappointing silence. It leaves you staring off befuddled, clueless, blank—in that universally recognized, that’s it? Really? Sort-of-way.
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