MaryEllen Montville

“[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living! “Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.” –Psalm 27:13-14

From Genesis through Revelation, we see Jesus—God’s Love for you and me. Having once wrapped Himself in human flesh, out of obedience and love for the Father, Jesus chose to leave behind the fullness of His Deity —to understand, empirically, our plight and pain; to partake in our elementary human experiences, and, ultimately, to fulfill the Father’s plan for our redemption. “For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and understand our weaknesses and temptations, but One who has been tempted [knowing exactly how it feels to be human] in every respect as we are, yet without [committing any] sin.” –Hebrews 4:15

Have you ever faced a test or trial, a loss so devastating it left you feeling dismantled? Hollow? Cavernous or afraid perhaps, to move too quickly, lest you collapse in on yourself? Have you ever felt as though just one slight misstep could cause the proverbial dominoes that have suddenly become your life to fall, ushering in the end of things? What things, you weren’t quite sure of—but of their end, you were certain.

I have.

After having walked through the back-to-back deaths of four inimitable people in my life in just a few short years: husband, mother, brother, and my “other” mother, I felt gutted, hollow, a mere shell of myself; utterly alone in my pain. Able to relate, in some watered-down way, to my Savior who had also cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” –Matthew 27:46.

I had temporarily forgotten that none of those who passed away, loved as they were, was my Due North, my Guide or moral compass. Still, I felt as though I no longer knew which way was up or what I was doing.

For a long period of time, of which I’d lost complete track, my life consisted of tiny breaths and even smaller steps—feeling as though the mere weight of a feather landing on me would, without exaggeration, topple me.

There were moments when it felt as though my toes had touched the line of “If just one more thing happens, my cheese is going to slip right off my cracker.” Looking back on those days today, I, too, sometimes wonder: “What, what would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!”

How I thank God that not one more thing did happen.

Equally, I thank Him that I didn’t have to bear any of what had happened, on my own, alone. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” –Psalm 23:4

How I thanked Him then and still today, for hemming me in. “You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” –Psalm 139:5

For binding up my gaping wounds, ensuring I would not ever, even on the worst of days and those dark, long nights, be left alone to collapse in on myself. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [healing their pain and comforting their sorrow]”. –Psalm 147:3

So to answer the question David poses to us, flesh and blood men, we bruised and life-battered reeds: “Surely, minus the God who never left nor forsook me, the God who came and sat and held and strengthened and brought to my remembrance every Word of His I’d ever read; His every promise to me, a life line throw at just the right time. I would have sunk into dark despair.”

“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. I’ve promised it once, and I’ll promise it again: I will obey your righteous regulations. I have suffered much, O Lord; restore my life again as you promised.” –Psalm 119:105-107

How I thank God for Jesus, who would not let me slip away into the deep abyss of sorrow and despair that threatened to pull me under. Without Jesus and His Holy Spirit at work in me, I would have wished for death to release me from so much life-exacting pain. Truth be told, even with Him, and, like Him, there were moments when I cried out, “Take this from me, Lord! It’s too much! It’s killing me!” “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” –Matthew 26:38.

And He did.

In His unplumbed, unfathomable, undeserved mercy—He did. Knowing firsthand the exacting weight of crosses, Jesus lifted the weight of my cross from my weak-as-water shoulder.

Oh, how I bless Him. I bow before Him in complete acknowledgement of my absolute need for Him, my utter dependence on Him. His strength and kindness. His full awareness of my weakness, of this dirt and molecules form. Because of Jesus’ strength in my hour of weakness, I learned this Life-affirming Truth, yet again. is strength in my eweakness, I learned, theHIs”So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” –Isaiah 41:10

This same Jesus had me pour out my heart here, to you. Sharing some small slice of my testimony just for you, beloved of God. Because He knew you’d need to hear these words right now. To be reminded of His faithfulness and promises to you. To remind you, you are no more alone than I was—and you will, you will, because He lives, you will come through your storm. “And they overcame and conquered him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, for they did not love their life and renounce their faith even when faced with death.” –Revelation 12:11.

Hear me now. You won’t come out of such a storm the same, so don’t expect that; it’s okay, you weren’t supposed to.

Such powerful winds are meant to uproot and carry some things away. What God will do and bring next will be far greater, stronger, and better than you can hope for. “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in various trials / so that the proven character of your faith—more precious than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” –1 Peter 1:6-7

But, if you’ll just trust Him, His plan, trust that, contrary to how it may feel right now, God is not trying to kill you but to refine, strengthen, and build you into something so deeply rooted in Him you’re unshakable, then I promise, you will come out the other side of your trial or loss better, stronger, made more perfect, more like Jesus. As one who survived the storm, I can attest to the validity of this Truth. “Now this expression, “Yet once more,” indicates the removing of those things which can be shaken, as of created things, so that those things which cannot be shaken may remain.” –Hebrews 12:27

He is for you, Beloved of the Lord. Hang on, not in your strength, that’s impossible, but in His. Knowing that your roots are growing deeper as a result of the storm. “God, your God, will restore everything you lost; he’ll have compassion on you”. –Deuteronomy 30:3

Friend, times of trial, loss, and testing fall upon us all, the saved and yet saved alike. You must decide for yourself how you will endure such testing: in your own strength, or will you rely on the strength of the One who created you? Jesus, the One who knows your end from your beginning. He is for you, friend. The question is: will you give yourself to Him? “Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. / You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” –Jeremiah 29:12-13.