“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old, he will not depart from it. –Proverbs 22:6.
As Mother’s Day approached, I began contemplating parenting a child in the ways of the Lord. Although I am not yet a mother, I understand both the value and essential responsibility of parenting, especially in our current climate. While there is no manual for parenting, I am sure that raising a child in the Lord’s way presents its unique challenges in a world fueled by social media and conflicting beliefs on what it means to be a Christian? Having experienced a Catholic upbringing, I now realize that I lacked knowledge of the Word of God and instruction on how to pray. And while I had a great childhood, my family did not always model the love of Christ for me. My mother failed to ask the Holy Spirit to guide her in many of her parenting decisions throughout my upbringing.
It was in musing over Proverbs 22:6 which caused me to reflect on my childhood, upbringing, and early childhood experiences. It caused me to reflect on what I had lacked, what I thought could have been better, and how my parent’s choices impacted my personal growth and development. All of this led me to more fully understand that a Godly home and God-fearing parents that are filled with the Holy Spirit are foundational for training a child in the ways of the Lord. “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it” –Proverbs 22:6. Parenting future disciples of Jesus in many ways fulfills the Great Commission. And as a parent, I’m confident it must be an honor to take part in—co-labor with Christ in laying the foundation of a child’s life with the Truth of God. It must be a great privilege and responsibility to help them find and cultivate their kingdom voices and to remind them of their identity in Christ. In parenting with the Holy Spirit, we certainly must see how serving our children daily also serves the Lord.
So, with this in mind, allow me to share three encouraging points on Godly parenting—advice I plan on following with my children one day.
- Make prayer a priority.
As I’ve stated, I am not a mother, yet having helped raise my four nieces for the first few years of their lives, I have had some experience caring for children. And, while this time with them was filled with excitement, it was also stressful, anxiety-causing, and frustrating. Lack of sleep sometimes heightened my frazzled emotions, and that led to irrational decision-making. When my nieces would get sick, it caused fear, and their disobedient and rebellious behaviors caused frustration. From my experience and from what I’ve witnessed, parenting pokes a range of emotions. From joyful celebrations to distressing hardships, yet whatever the circumstance may be, regardless of how the scenarios may play out, I’m learning to lift them all in prayer before His throne of grace. The Bible says: “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” –Hebrews 4:16.
God is omniscient. He is fully aware of your emotions; He knows what you think, can see what is happening in your life, and, most importantly, He has the power to intervene and guide you in every area of your life. The Lord knows both the value of and the concerns that come with parenting, and He knows that it’s in the daily setting aside of quiet time to seek His face, where He’ll empower you to face those challenges. Even when you feel weary or unworthy, the Lord Almighty never turns a deaf ear to the earnest prayers of His children. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” –Psalm34:18. And though Google tips may prove helpful and the reassurance of fellow parents’ and friends’ confidence-boosting, nothing compares to speaking to and seeking guidance from the Creator of the universe. God created your children. He understands their thoughts, temperaments, and personalities far better than you ever will—or can. “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knitted me together in my mother’s womb” –Psalm 139:13. Make prayer a priority and give the Holy Spirit an open invitation to lead and guide your parenting. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you” –Psalm 32:8.
2. Model the Christian faith.
The Bible teaches us: “The things you have learned and received, and heard and seen in me, practice these things; and the God of peace will be with you” –Philippians 4:9. Loving and raising your children according to God’s Word is honoring them, just as guiding them in how they should live is your God-given responsibility. While teaching your children the Word of God is essential, modeling your faith is, in most instances, a more powerful tool. How can you genuinely teach children to love the Lord yet not model the love of Christ in your own lives daily via submission to His will and your Godly behavior? “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” –Matthew 22:37.
How can we teach children to “Love your neighbor as yourself” yet not serve others or demonstrate grace and compassion, and patients towards them? –Mark12:31. Or, how can we teach children that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” and yet create an environment of verbal hostility, belittlement, and abuse in our homes? –Proverbs 15:1. As parents, if your desire is for your children to love the Lord, you are responsible for reflecting that in your behavior. Children are sponges in their initial stages of development. What you model before them, they’ll absorb and emulate. The Bible says, “But don’t just listen to God’s Word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves” –James 1:22. As parents, if you are not modeling the very Godly behavior you expect from your child: faith, patience, kindness, gentleness, love, joy, peace, grace, and compassion, then isn’t that, in fact, teaching to them that Christianity can be unreliable and hypocritical?
3. Love your children well.
The Bible teaches us, “Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the Truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” –1 Corinthians 14:4-8. God’s definition of Love far exceeds a mere emotion. Love is a choice. We choose to love one another. God’s love is rooted and grounded in decision and choice; and our love is birthed from these very actions. Love is not simply an emotion you feel; it is something to be demonstrated. One of the most significant ways to parent with the Holy Spirit is by operating in His Love. “God is love, and he who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him” –1 John 4:16.
Parents can sometimes respond to their children at the whim of a feeling or mood. Maybe they’re stressed about work, and so they take their frustration out on their children? Perhaps they’re frustrated with a child’s behavior, or they’re not patient with them during homework? Yet, the biblical definition of unconditional love is that they must respond lovingly towards them nevertheless, even when we do not feel like being loving. Godly love for children is never contingent upon whether they deserve to receive it; conversely, they deserve it solely because it is the will and command of God. That unconditional love that God so freely demonstrates towards us, we have been commanded to model before the world—especially in our homes. “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you” –John 15:12. Loving our children ought to be filled with speaking life into them, seeing the potential for the best in them, and believing in and fostering the gifts God has placed in them. Loving children well ought to look like teaching them to read, meditate, and abide in the Word of God, making it their go-to then when they’re feeling fearful or anxious. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear because fear has punishment” –1 John 4:18.
And when a child is acting out in panic and anxiety due to the overwhelming demands of school or life, as parents, shouldn’t you offer them, lead them towards peace and calm, and not add to their chaos or confusion? Shouldn’t you attempt to encourage them along the way? As a parent, you ought not to keep a record of their mistakes or let their rebellious nature provoke you to lash out at them. Parent’s ought to act in patience and kindness, just as God does with them daily. Proverbs 22:6 assures us that training up a child in the ways of the Lord is an honorable responsibility, however challenging at times. And, if you have multiple children, you know full-well that their different temperaments require different parenting techniques. In part, training up a child in the way he or she should go is about recognizing that your children are not carbon copies of you. They are to be guided, trained, molded, and shaped in the direction the Lord has willed for their life, and that may mean your needing to understand and be patient and nurturing with traits in them that are foreign to you or different than your own.
The Bible informs us that “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him” –Psalm 127:3. Children are a gift entrusted to us by the Lord. Children are not possessions to do with as we please. They will grow up, leave home and live life on their own, and so because they are precious gifts, we must love them, treasure them, guide them, and protect them while we are able. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” –James 1:17.
I can only imagine that one of the most incredible facets of parenting is that the Lord will use the very gifts He’s entrusted to your care, your children, to refine you, His child, teaching you to depend on Him even more! I pray this teaching was encouraging.
In closing, I pray that you continue to make prayer a priority. To always model the ways of the Lord before your children and love them well. Remember, even Jesus modeled Godly training to His disciples, and we can do the same. Take heart in knowing that God is with you on your parenting journey every step of the way. And that God’s unmerited grace and mercy covers our temporary, frail, all too human weaknesses, shortcomings, and failures. The Bible reminds us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” –James 1:5. So ask the Lord for the wisdom you need, and He will generously supply it. And whether you’re parenting or a single person who is without the sweet presence of the Lord, I encourage you to earnestly seek Him, asking Him to come into your heart and life as Lord. His guidance will transform not only your life but your children’s lives as well. That is one promise I don’t need to be a mom to make. I have tasted and seen that it’s True for myself!
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