Kendra Santilli

When I was in nursing school I spent some time in the operating room observing some brilliant surgeons and nurses. I would say it was one of my favorite rotations. I remember one instance where I was sitting in on a knee replacement surgery. The patient had expressed that they were experiencing incredible knee pain and were more than ready to receive their new and improved hardware. They started counting to ten as they were lulled to sleep by anesthesia. Moments after the anesthesia kicked in, the physician got to work. To spare the graphic details, I’ll just say this: I never really understood just how much healing was actually happening in recovering patients. I realized that with surgery, the doctor sometimes has to cause more trauma, knowing full well that the patient is better off in the end, in order to get to the real problem. You see, the patient’s nerve endings, muscles, and skin all have to mend from the trauma they’ve just experienced. That day as I was standing in the OR watching this patient get torn apart to get stitched back together, I heard the quiet voice of God say to my spirit, “This is what I do.” I realized that, in some ways, God is like that physician.

I don’t know about you, but I have come to realize that many times when I feel burdened, it’s simply a symptom of some deeper issue; something that needs replacement or repairing within my heart. In the Bible, there are several passages where God is referred to as Jehovah-Rapha – the God who heals. I’m specifically reminded of Mark 2:17, where Jesus says “… Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” I find it funny that Jesus makes this clear distinction among a self-righteous culture. A distinction that tells the well-versed religious leaders that they clearly already have it all together (and I say this facetiously). He is looking for those who are humble enough to realize that they need some help. Just as sick people need a doctor, sinners need a savior. I love that He chased “sickness” with “calling sinners”. This tells me that sin causes sickness of the heart, and that heart healing is just as important, if not more important than physical healing. These sicknesses of the soul can only be remediated by the One who made a way. Our heart issues are rooted in sin and God knows that! One thing I learned about surgery is that it takes time before one can apply weight to the area which was operated on. 

A few years back, I experienced the deepest loneliness that I could ever even imagine going through. I was surrounded by people but somehow felt completely invisible. I was in the midst of several new transitions in my life: new husband, a new state, new career, new church community. I didn’t realize it then, but it was a lot. In the midst of all of that, I struggled to make new friends. It felt like the more I tried, the lonelier I became. It was weird. I have never had a problem making friends, it’s just the charismatic extrovert in me! Through prayer, I realized that this loneliness was a result of the sin of idolatry. Let me explain. I realized that being accepted by people and loving people’s company had become of more importance to me than God’s approval and desiring His company. This loneliness was my symptom of the root issue: rejection. I wanted so badly to belong, while God was trying to teach me that, in Him, I already belonged! God knew this about me before I ever knew it about myself, and He had some work to do. Over the next couple of years, He brought me through a process of learning what it means to say, “God, you’re enough for me”. It was a good two years of just me and Him in the secret place. It’s in the secret place where He does His deepest work. The kind of work that makes its way from our hearts to our heads to our hands. This work has tangible outcomes and truly changes a person, and it’s a job only the Great Physician can do. When a person is recovering from surgery, there is a lot of pain involved with their nerves, bones, muscles, and skin. They have to go through therapies and rehab before being able to carry their full weight again. I promise you, though the surgery and healing are painful, the outcome is always worth it in the end. For me, this weight looked like having meaningful relationships. Through this season of solitude, I learned how to have relationships without rooting my identity in them. I also discovered a lot of pride and arrogance in my heart. That weight looked like not being able to be in leadership positions until I could be there without arrogance. For some people, they may have to go through the healing of rejection where the weight is that they can’t handle criticism. Over time, healing allows us to carry the weight without being so deeply impacted: we are made strong enough to overcome obstacles that may come our way.

I invite you to pray and ask God to show you what areas of your heart need healing. You may or may not even be aware of what it may be, but He is so kind as to expose the need and lead us through it. He wants to see us whole. He wants to see us thriving while we are here on earth. In moments of adversity, pray for the strength to lean into Him to carry you. To heal you. To restore you. To strengthen you. Adversity is not time to run away, it is time to press in. Will you trust God to do the work that He needs to do to bring you to your purpose? We cannot carry the weight of our purpose until He does His refining work. 

If you don’t know God as a healer, Jehovah-Rapha, the invitation is available to you. He sees your pain, He knows your symptoms, and He knows your “diagnosis”. But until you bring it to Him, you will not see the healing that He needs to do. Surrender to Jesus and invite Him into your space today and watch what He does.