“But I have a baptism to undergo, and how it consumes me until it is finished!”

A new season is being birthed. And, birthing is a very, messy and painful business. But oh, when that baby comes!

I’d heard it said recently that there’s a moment in each believer’s life where their faith must cross over from doctrinal, head knowledge, a learned faith—into a practical, determined faith. A faith that’s been tested. One that’s been tried in the fire of adversity, of loss. Tried when God says no. When doors are closed and no hint of God’s voice can be heard nor His presence felt.  Faith formed in moments of being pruned so deeply there is no end to our tears. The awakening of such tenacious faith however, often occurs only in the crucible of adversity…

Crucible. A Word that dropped into my Spirit back in early July of this year. And it’s been sitting in my belly until now. It’s defined as follows: a situation of severe trial, or in which different elements interact, leading to the creation of something new: a severe test: a place or situation in which concentrated forces interact to cause or influence change or development.

I am in such a crucible now. Many of us are. It’s one of those seasons when God is requiring us to dig deeper.  When the “fluff” of casual faith is being sifted away; leaving behind instead, a tried and tangible faith. Truth is, it’s so much easier to preach the Cross of Christ—teach about His Cross—than it is to heft it up on our own all too fragile shoulder and carry it. And yet, for those of us found in Him—called by His glorious name, we are expected to do just that. Carry our Cross that is. “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me…” –Matthew 16:42. And, although His life-extracting Cross was His alone to carry Jesus was never alone. The Father had ensured He’d been given a helper. Someone who would help Him carry the weigh of His cross. He does the same for us as well. “And as they led him away, they laid hold upon one Simon, a Cyrenian, coming out of the country, and on him they laid the cross, that he might bear it after Jesus” –Luke 23:26. The weight of our cross forces us to release the last vestiges of our will. Gods finger on any area of our lives will have that affect on us. And, in our moments of complete surrender the Holy Spirit comes. Our Helper places His shoulder under the weight of our cross. Making the carrying of it possible, sufferable.

So why then, are we so befuddled—feel so betrayed, let down when we’re asked by God to pick up our cross and carry it for a season? Why is this such a shocking thing to us? I by no means know the full answer to the question I’m posing. My purpose in asking it at all is simply to provoke us to think. To drive us into seeking the Lords answer in prayer. To go searching the Scriptures for answers. To start a conversation that might shake us from our sleep. Re-minding us that we were each told one day we’d have a cross of our own to carry. But we forget. Become comfortable in our every-day-ness until the moment that is that our waters are troubled!

Yet there is one thing I know about cross carrying. Of being asked to carry a cross I mean. And it’s this: It is all about Love.  His great Love for us. The Cross is a tangible reminder of love having come and revealed Himself to us—to me. It’s a privilege too. The Cross is our highest example. The most complete definition of Love we have—or will ever know. And we are blessed—honored, to be trusted in having any part of it all…

To be a partaker of His Cross is like witnessing a dad sitting across from his beloved child and, while looking them straight in their eyes, pouring out his heart to them. Filling their ears with every desire he has for them. Every hope and dream he’s ever thought towards them. Lovingly detailing every iota of promise, purpose, and potential he sees within them and all that he would do and give to help draw it out of them; being blessed himself by witnessing their gifts and talents used to change the world He alone created for them, one person at a time. But don’t take my word for it. Pick up your Bible and check out the conversations for yourself. Read the part that details the greatest definition of love ever written: “For God so loved the world…”.

Jesus knew the Cross would be agonizing. Extracting. He knew in the end it would kill Him. Rather, it would kill His flesh…

Nothing could touch His Life. From the beginning that has always been One with the Father. Guarded for all eternity. A sure promise. An Amen. But His flesh, His flesh would have to die in order that the purpose of His birth be accomplished, fulfilled. He would have to completely immerse His will into the Fathers. There is no other way to accomplish the perfect will of God. No half measure will ever suffice. “It was a perfect sacrifice by a perfect person to perfect some very imperfect people. By that single offering, he did everything that needed to be done for everyone who takes part in the purifying process” –Hebrews 10:14 MSG Bible. So too it is—must be, with us. A relationship with God is all or nothing. Done correctly, it’s an “all-in” commitment. The two become One flesh. His Flesh. Our crosses are intended to kill our flesh that we might, like gold being refined in the fiery furnace, be poured out, rid of those impurities that tarnish—preventing the pure image of Jesus from being seen in and through us to a lost a dying world.

We want the benefits of such a love: the salvation He died to offer us. The blessings and favor and forgiveness a relationship that results from such a love offers. But in our humanity, we run from—reel under, the weight of carrying its cross. We lose sleep. We’re tormented. We question and plead, bargaining with God to remove this cup of suffering from us. I know I did. Jesus understands this about us. He knows our weakness. Knows that though we love God—want to follow Him, we’re weak, frail, incapable, outside of Him to do anything—carry anything, of eternal value. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin” —Hebrews 4:15. He understands that the harassment and oppression of anticipation can be as heavy, sometimes more so, than the real thing itself. He understands we just want it to be over. To have passed our test. To have this season behind us. He understands that though we want to do the will of God, the journey towards its end is agonizing. He, better than us all, understands agony. Hence, our Scripture verse today. “But I have a baptism to undergo, and how it consumes me until it is finished!” –Luke 12:50

He understands we want to do the will of God all-the-while hoping that His will might somehow be fulfilled minus the pain. “And going a little farther, He threw Himself upon the ground on His face and prayed saying, My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will [not what I desire], but as You will and desire” –Matthew 26:39. Yet it’s through Jesus’ impending death, in His total surrender, that we learn some of our greatest lessons about how to truly live. “…not what I will [not what I desire], but as You will and desire.” Jesus teaches us just how to drink of the cup that has been passed to us. A cup which, regardless of its bitterness, we are blessed to partake of. “Jesus told Peter, “Put your sword away. Shouldn’t I drink the cup [of suffering] that my Father has given me?” –John 18:11

After we have prayed, we must obey. And as surely as Sunday morning came and His tomb was found empty, so too are we guaranteed our own victory over all suffering. But first—we must completely submerge our will, ourselves, into Him…

Friend, if you have not repented of your sins, not asked God into your life as your Lord and Savior, please do it today! He loves you regardless of the sins you’ve committed. I am sure of this because His Word is True. Because He forgave one such as me, with all of my many sins. Call out to Him today…